We Don’t Get a Pass

Equality among people has been a struggle for centuries. There are class difference where treatment is based on economics or blood lines. There are social difference where group acceptance leads to empowerment. There are other interest where commonality will make or break you. And the fight for equality in treatment was always there in full force at every corner.

Today my heart aches with this fight of centuries. Our base behavior is not of love but of privilege. We see race as one thing instead of seeing the power of humans in a brotherhood. We fall on skewed history to continue the lines of differences, where those lies continue for centuries of learned behavior. We follow the misleading beliefs about an ethnic group, one being better than another. And its simply because we’re taught to believe such bull.

My heart aches like any person who once believed in our country coming together as one. It’s like I was baffled to fight for love of country, living in a scheme where the righteous privileged doesn’t have to contribute for the life style or given courtesies. I guess their privilege is expected by birth. I ached because I have seen the poor and dreary, the strong and weak, come forward and represent as %1 of the population and sacrifice themselves for the overall good. Yet here we are again, striving for common ground to advance closer to equality gazing with open arms and hearts.

Not today, I’m sorry to say, not today. Why? Because the fight we had years for progression has turned it’s ugly head. Today we’re afraid on every side of the aisle. Fear has taken us by storm. I mean, politics are disruptive and centered around a privilege group. Those who want to maintain their privilege blindly supports it, as if they too are the top 1% of the population. Those who follow a regime based on hate is now influential on multiple scales. And people who are blind to it, make excuses for it. Yes, this is our America.

We don’t get a pass on the divisive behavior. We don’t listen nor see truth anymore. We skew a belief and make it the reality. We, I write we as if the fight is ours and not one against the other, are holding for a wall to separate us from the world. But I’m blind to a hopeful future and still holding a belief that one day we shall sing and stand arm in arm, harmonizing a ballad of love.

We do not get a pass for our behavior.

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She Has to Know

With one slap, an accident he claims, and the shock takes her by surprise. She repels into a historical defensive posture ready to pounce like a tiger on it’s prey. The surprise, the element of unjustified pain induces her mind to recall other times.

With one incident it’s not likely for a woman to call it abuse. Benefit of doubt is usually her call and she overlooks the short experience of pain. However a breach of trust spirals into a mess of ideas where the slap is indicative of some uncontrolled anger. She looks for other moments of unjust punishment to compare notes and events.

She remembers an apology leading to another. Her conclusion if she is clear of emotions realizes there lies some kind of behavior pattern. Outside of the good times they experience, she remembers a burst of heated discussions over little things that makes no sense. She takes his disgust as a lesson for adjustment, and remembers to not repeat the act or bring up a subject to anger her partner. He has another burst for something and she recalls adjusting her behavior again, remembering not to have a similar action. When will a woman acknowledge this cycle?

She has to know the abusive pattern during the onset. When her adjustments are hitting at her behavior like a child in elementary school, she has to realize something has to give. Giving the fact relationships are difficult and the give and take behaviors are actions to reach the threshold of success, the adjustments most given should not be from one person. Granted, compromise is usually from both but in an abusive situation, the indicators are early that the woman is conforming to a controlling behavior.

She has to know and her gut gives indication something is wrong. She has to respond quickly to end the relationship in spite of the heart warming experiences. She will have to leave for sanity’s sake. If not, this horrid time of her life becomes a living hell. She has to know to get out. She has to know not to question her judgment. She has to know not to allow her emotions to get in the way.

No woman should accept abuse, irregardless of his apologies, nor should she give sympathy to his cycle of misunderstandings. Do you think I’m right?

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I’m The Abuser

I always think abuse is the man who raises a hand against women. The fierce physical impalement for no apparent reason except to feel powerful, or feel the need for intense control. Though this is physical abuse by definition, it’s not the only abuse in relationships.

Wikipedia defines abuse as to ‘mistreat’ where the dictionary has a more powerful and deeper meaning. In this case, I’m referring to bad or improper treatment. Yes, here’s where my acknowledgement surfaces as if a submarine rises from depths below.

I’m the abuser, I have to admit. I am not a physical abuser by any means. Yet I am an abuser where emotions and ideas stand ground as expectations. Let me explain because it’s almost admitting to masking the impact of unacceptable behavior.

I’m the abuser when it comes to engaging the opposite sex. Oh, yea, my younger days of engagement means focusing on one objective. And you know what that mission entailed. A young man full of stamina and focus on winning a sexual encounter. The proverbial notch on the belt or a knife slash on the bed giving me a the reason to pound the chest like Tarzan.

I’m the abuser because of unfairness to women. I mean, I would give them lip service, tell them what they want to hear, and lead them to believe in me or misguide them into feeling for me. Oh, yea, not simply getting them to say yes, but encourage them to believe its their idea.

I’m the abuser because I play with emotions. I toy with a woman’s dream. I push their imagination to the limit. Isn’t this mistreatment? Yea, I think so because I realize it as one. Ponder this, a woman’s dream is walking down the aisle to forever, changing her last name and live happily ever after. I simply use the idea to achieve stardom. You know, yell like Tarzan and boast about another win.

I’m the abuser but at least I did not take advantage of a woman’s finances. However I will admit that my trek to enjoyment includes a pot of gold at some corner of a rainbow.

I’m the abuser. I am wrong to believe raising a hand against a woman is the only definition of abuse. Mistreatment includes taking advantage of a giving heart. Mistreatment is misleading with intent for personal gain. Mistreatment is braking a promise. Misleading is destroying the esteem of a perfect soul. Misleading is my past behavior to womanize and yell success while pounding my chest for stardom.

I’m the abuser.

Were you an abuser? Or were you the victim of abuse?

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When you step into a room full of hope, you simply have to keep your faith. I mean, you’re in a room of people or things you’d hope to achieve, the wall is high, the river is wide, and the valley is oh so deep. What do you do? Do you waltz in with confidence knowing you’ll one day arrive?

I’m always told to keep hope alive, work hard, and push. It’s easier than said especially when you’re reminded about how you aren’t quite there yet. One step forward and forget three steps back, it’s not even progression with the first step. One day you’re up with hope and a dream and the another day you’re in the dumps with whatever crap was thrown from a car.

You keep pressing no matter what and maybe, just maybe something will come of your efforts. I mean MAYBE!!!

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When Good isn’t Enough

People are difficult to please, especially when giving their opinion. I mean, our society has unwavering standards for good, or great for that matter. The level of acceptance is an inbreed of defining good over evil, and advancing to a point of making an perceptive level of excellence.

What is good to one is not necessarily good to another. However, there is a common thread of behavior that defines good for all. Though we don’t like to admit adherence to someone else’s level of acceptance, we follow it like a charm.

There was a time when people were stricken to death based on popularity, of which the definition of GOOD meant meeting some expectation in looks and behavior. When they didn’t meet the expectation, not being good meant a dire streak of luck. Today, we’re doing the same on multiple levels. Good, happens to mean you’re okay, and okay is plain and simply okay, as the bottom of any standard.

What does this mean in general? It’s the fact many seek something greater than good, just to get the response needed for success. Good… it’s an okay mark that doesn’t raise the bar in return. Good happens to mean you’re doing something normal. Oh, that’s good but not great. Good means you’re one of many in the rat race. Good means you’re not drowning but treading water with and the ocean current is pushing you. Good means, you’re playing safe in a volatile environment. Good, yea, you’re doing good.

Now that you know the definition of Good, is it enough? Thumbsup

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A Writer’s Life

A writer’s life is full of highs and lows. The path to success is the same isn’t it? I hear that no one jumps to super status unless they have the fortunate support of a million dollar marketing campaign. But who’s getting that right away?

The book you write may be the one that readers love. Its a book where the grass root media (word of mouth) gets a little fire going and spreads. However, it’s a slow burning fire because there maybe 6 degrees of separation, but if one degree doesn’t say a word… well you get the drift.

Writing is a passion for most writers and dreaming of a best seller is only part of it. But working to get to a level of success is more than a struggle, it’s being the ant that can’t stop. It’s exploring unknown tunnels and trespassing on terrifying paths one step at a time.

You can do it. Every time you think of a set back, there’s success ahead in small doses. Every measure time a reader says it’s good, or tell you how angry they are about your character, you win. When you read another review, good or bad, you win. Believe in yourself on the journey and as they say, one day you will receive the fruit of your labor of love.

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Abuse – Help The Story

Women shout abuse on an hourly basis. It’s either physical or mental, and often emotional, but it’s abuse one in the same.

Why does abuse occur? Let’s openly discuss some probabilities.

1) Learned behavior – Physical abuse is a learned behavior, set by childhood exposure.
2) Influenced – It’s discussed as a part of relationships or led to believe as a norm.
3) Developed – It’s fear from psychological imbalance, where thoughts are perceived as impacting the security.
4) Simply Crazed – The action of ownership and prevention – the fear of losing.

I’m sure there’s similarities in the afore mentioned probabilities, but I’m not near the expert on abuse. However, I’m close enough to say nothing was more than an impact than watching it as a child.

I have heard of stories you can’t imagine happening and yet, we fully see abusive events happening around us. And there are times when interference is the bad thing to do. Why is stepping in the middle of abuse a bad thing? Usually it’s because the abused becomes the aggressor in the defense of the abuser. Sound crazy right? I agree it does sound idiotic, however it happens quite often.

I want to do a story on abuse, and I’m asking if you’ll share any story with me. I’m looking for why it happened. I’m opened ears to who (male or female) was the aggressor. I’m curious to the abuser’s development or learned behavior to become an abuser. It would be awesome if I got a story about how the person abused.

Let’s simply say answering my inquiry will aid my story development on the abuser and how women (the abused) combated the mistreatment.

Do not be afraid to share your story. If you want privacy, send your story to lonzcook@gmail.com. Otherwise, you can respond to this post.

Thanks in advance.

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